Eating Steak, Laughing at Hookers and the Near-Fatality of a Drunk

So my fans (all 2 of them) have been bugging me to write a blog. So I figured I'd sit down and write it on Thursday...then I thought 'Why don't I wait. We're going out to dinner on Friday with some friends and there's bound to be mischief and mayhem' and lo and behold, I was right!

It started off with a lovely dinner at The Keg (American friends - it's a steakhouse). Well, the conversation was lovely, even though the food wasn't. Anyway, we were driving our friends home and this is what we see:

1. A hooker in a gold sequin skirt (skirt???...there wasn't much to it. Loincloth? Strategically-placed scarf?) proposition two teenage boys on bikes who promptly laugh and point at her. Now, I don't have a beef with prostitution, we all need to do what we need to do, but I believe the law defines the term 'statutory rape' as sex with a minor, paid or not.

2. A drunk woman trying to cross the street. There's massive amounts of construction on St. Clair, so we were redirected onto the streetcar tracks a few times. Well, the woman crosses the other lanes, goes up onto the concrete island where the transit shelter is, and then promptly falls in front of my car. Luckily my superior reflexes (from NOT having any wine at dinner) and superb Toyota brakes saved the day! She laid there for a few moments and then slowly got to her feet. She removed her shoes (as if they caused the fall rather than the fact she was marinated in alcohol) and painfully shuffled off. I'm glad I was able to stop...because that would've been one big bug to clean off the windshield.

3. At least (and I mean the very VERY least) two cars driven by drunk drivers. People, just because you're drunk doesn't mean you can drive between two lanes...you must drive exactly how you drive sober. Being inebriated does not give you special powers, nor the right to take up more of the road than anyone else. Seriously, though, don't do it...I had a family member killed by a drunk driver (he was directing traffic around a construction site...in broad daylight). It usually isn't the drunk that gets killed (if it was I'd say go on with your bad self...you're a douche for driving drunk in the first place) but the innocent bystanders. *gets off soapbox*

~*~ Intermission ~*~

Ok. So I went outside because I was falling asleep at the computer, and this couple is trying to stencil something onto the side of their SUV. As far as I know (and I could be wrong...my car painting experience is minimal...) there is no decorative spray paint for cars. Regardless, their stencil wouldn't stick because they repositioned it too many times. When they finally got it set, it was overlapping where the front door opened...a weird spot if you ask me (I know, no one did!). So then they sprayed and from where I was standing (under 100 yards away) there was nothing. Can't wait to see how this one plays out.

Well, ladles and jelly-spoons, I am off to... I'm not telling. Let's keep the mystique. *wink*

[[PS I am to lazy to proofread today...I apologize for any typos]]

And the Unidentified Omnipotent Being (UOB) Said "Let There Be Colds" (what a bastard)

I am sick. I am chest-wracking, head-pounding, phlegm-gagging, face-hurting, ear-aching sick with a capital "S." And, of course, this comes during the busiest (and most important) two weeks I've had in six months. It never happens that you get sick when you have time to lay around and recover. Instead it festers and waits until you schedule attendance at an art show opening, a craft fair, two doctors appointments and a week-long trip to see your parents in NYC. Seriously, Cold, I wasn't doing anything last week.

So I'm drinking tea (which I dislike) and taking Robitussin cough syrup pills (because liquid cough syrup makes me throw up) which really go down well when you throat feels like it has the circumference of a penny. I just made a pot of coffee out of desperation...caffeine and habit withdrawal. The first thing I do in the morning is make coffee (write this down if you're planning to poisoning me). This morning I made tea, which felt weird and wrong. I'm surprised that I even made it properly...I was half awake and I probably only make tea twice a year when I'm sick (or when hubby's sick - because I make it best according to him).

Anyway, I'm miserable so you get to be miserable with me. Sounds fair. And misery loves company.

I was, however, thoroughly amused by today's cartoon on Explosm.net. Being we're sharing misery, I figure I'll share this too. You can thank me for the levity later.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

So, with that, dear friends, I bid you adieu. If I die from this disease (or if one of you sneaky little monkeys succeeds in poisoning me), my Executor/Executrix will be contacting you posthaste to divide my earthly possessions. Farewell!

PS Iron Man ROCKED HARDCORE! Go. See it now. Go. Shew. Go. GO! How many times do I have to tell you?!?!? GO! Ok. Farewell...again...part two....bye.

Foot Suffocation, Bananas and Monkeys...Just TRY not reading this!

You know it's going to be a great day when one of the first tasks of the morning is to pull a quarter-inch piece of glass out of your bare foot. What makes this even more interesting is the fact that you have absolutely no idea where the offending glass came from, causing you to tiptoe around, hunched over, inspecting the floor for the glass' friends and family. You think to yourself, I haven't broken anything recently...I broke something a month or so ago, but surely I cleaned everything up... Regardless of how hard you try, you just can't get all of it...and I'm the one who usually steps on it.

DH will say that it's because I have a vehement aversion to socks. He would too if he felt like his feet were being suffocated!

While I'm on the topic of things which annoy me (like glass in feet), I came across a news item (on MSN, I believe) about 11 students being suspended for dressing up like bananas and a monkey and running around school. They were suspended for 7 days, longer than a few kids were for fighting. What is going on? When I was in high school we were constantly doing something. One year for senior prank day a friend of mine let a chicken loose inside the school. On non-senior-prank-days, we'd get out of class, tilt a garbage can against a classroom door, knock, then run away. The teacher would open the door...and BAM! garbage everywhere. This is how we spent our time in our little farm community.

But a couple of years ago, while I was visiting family, I went to my old high school in an attempt to see my former art teacher. The place was locked down like Rikers. I was called into the office (not a big deal...I've spent a lot of time there) when I tried to walk down the hall to the art room. I wasn't allowed into the school at all...no visitor's pass, no escorted walk to the room with a security guard...I was flat out denied. I even tried explaining I was alumni, on the Honor Society, president of several clubs, did the morning announcements and that a painting I did hung in the art room I was trying to get to! No dice. I had to wait in the hallway outside the office and accost my teacher as she was going to lunch. Classy.

I looked at the kids as they were changing classes. There was no life to them. Although, how excited can you get when you feel like you're in prison? I used to sneak out of gym class to go paint in the art room...no chance of any of those kids doing that these days. It's sad, really. As if high school isn't hard enough...

Well, my serious diatribe is over. You can all breathe a sigh of relief now. Go watch some cartoons to lighten the mood.